lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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