Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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