come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
