its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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