yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
