So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
