At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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