Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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