So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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