I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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