who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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