we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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