As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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