Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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