great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
