so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
