hotel room ftw
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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