I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
