Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
