you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
