I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
be right there i have to get my cape
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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