Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
