i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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