I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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