Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
