Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
