I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
