the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
