Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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