Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
