Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And then he peed in my hair
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