What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize