you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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