pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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