i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
