Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
