dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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