So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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