Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
