I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
