Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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