I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
