I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you never un-have a 4some
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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