Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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