I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
