I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
