i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
