He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
