Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
