Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize