Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
