Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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