So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude i'm inner monologue high
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
