I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
