How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
