There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
