Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love you. Go after that dick
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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