so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
