this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
