Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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