drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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