I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
