I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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