your parents love me but you hate me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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