You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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