I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
