Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
