Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
