you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
