he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize