That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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