Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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