My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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