My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
