Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's shark week go big or go home
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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