Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
