omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
