NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
