so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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