I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
