If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
