Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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