my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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