i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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