I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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