I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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