we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We had to coat check the pizza.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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