were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
