You just made me feel so damn special
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
