I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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