8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize