pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
