the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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