He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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