I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
