i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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