There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
