Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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