my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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