You made me cry and you don't even care
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
