it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
