how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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